Book Summary: How to Win Friends and Influence People — PART 02

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Published: June 18, 2019

PART 02— Ways to Make People Like You

People are not interested in you. They’re interested in themselves
A famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked: “We’re interested in others when they are interested in us”
A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It’s a two-way street-both parties benefit
If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, let’s become genuinely interested in other people

The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back
Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you”
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you
It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it

Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves
Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important — yet how many of us do it?
One of the first lessons a politician learn is this: “To recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion”
The ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics
Name is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others

If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener
To be interesting, be interested
Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering
Encourage people to talk about themselves and and their accomplishments
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems

The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most
Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties
Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone

There’s one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: always make the other person feel important. John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature. William James also said that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you’re important in your little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation
The life of many people could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realise in some subtle way that you recognise their importance, and recognise it sincerely
“Talk to people about themselves”, said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire. “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”

This article was originally posted on https://medium.com/@albertuskelvin/ as Book Summary: How to Win Friends and Influence People-PART 02